by 
Think what you want, not what you fear.
There is a story behind this quote. The year was around 2008. I discovered a 1 cm lump on my body. At first I thought it was just a lymph node, it was not tender. But a few weeks later it had doubled in size, so I made an appointment with my doctor.
The night before the appointment, I noticed my mind was preoccupied with concern that it was going to be cancer. Though I was no longer working, due to symptoms of multiple sclerosis, my profession was that of a radiation therapist. I worked with cancer patients. And that is where my mind took me. Cancer.
As I closed my eyes to sleep, I was startled awake with a gentle whisper in my right ear. I heard and felt this whisper.
It said, “Think what you want, not what you fear.”
I was very startled. I knew in that moment that I was being directly spoken to from a higher place. In an instant I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror staring at myself, almost stunned with what I heard and felt.
So I looked at myself again and asked what did I want? I spoke my answer out loud. “I want for the doctor to tell me that it is nothing serious and something that antibiotics will take care of.”
The next day, the doctor tells me that it was just a blocked duct and that antibiotics would take care of it. I walked out of there standing tall. I spoke what I wanted without any fear attached, and that is what I received. So I stopped at the pharmacy on the way home and started treatment right away.
But at 6:00pm that night, my doctor called. He apologized for having me pay for the antibiotics, but suggested that I stop taking them right away. After further research he said that I was going to require surgery. But still, he believed it to be a blocked duct.
Well two weeks passed before I was able to see the surgeon. I wasn’t in fear of cancer any longer, but I was disappointed. By the time of my appointment, this mass had grown to about a 4 cm ball. I’ll go ahead and share. If I were a boy, it could have been a testicle. And by then, it was painful.
What did I want? I had wanted for the doctor to treat and cure this with antibiotics. I started thinking that maybe I had thought too small by putting my faith in the doctor and his medicine. Maybe I needed to think bigger and put my faith in God and His miracles.
So……..the morning of my appointment, I dropped to my knees and prayed. My prayer was a mantra. “Through Spirit I am healthy and whole. This mass no longer serves me.” I repeated this over and over. “Through Spirit I am healthy and whole. This mass no longer serves me.” I went into a deep state of mediation. I don’t remember if I kept speaking out loud or if the words were just repeating in my mind, but my awareness suddenly shifted. I felt something. In that instant, the mass disappeared. It was gone.
Think what you want, not what you fear. This was a turning point in my faith and understanding of how powerful our thoughts are. I live with this quote. It is a gentle reminder when I I sense fear taking over.
What do you want? What are the longings in your heart? Know what you want. Be very clear with what that is. Fear is nothing more than the ego doing its job to keep you safe. It’s not safe to step into the unknown. Even when the known and familiar isn’t comfortable. At least with the known, you know what to expect. But doing the same thing over and over the same way holds you back. What do you really want? Let’s start a conversation there.
